Rare "Jesus Gull" Performs "Miracles"

by Dereck Alito
Bangorzanmash, ME--
What started as a frustrating last meal for Martha McCatskill turned into something that was nothing short of miraculous.
McCatskill, one of the world's seven licensed and certified "Seagullogists" (a scientist specializing in the biology sociology of seagulls,) suffered a mishap at her work site.
"I was at a remote location studying how gulls interact with Caspian Terns," McCatskill said. "We'd just gotten back from McDonald's with two of the 2-for-$5 Filet-o-Fish sandwiches to share with a colleague."
The colleague in question is McCatskill's roomate Cindy Peck-Vogel, the world's only licensed and certified Caspianternologist. Peck-Vogel, (who used her employee discount at McDonald'sI) is working in conjunction with McCatskill on a comprehensive book (Tern for the Worst) about gull-tern relations.
"Martha had just unwrapped her sandwich, and a huge gust of wind caught her just right in the windbreaker," Peck-Vogel said. "Her arms billowed out like a scarecrow, and her sandwich went flying."
McCatskill picks up the story (but not the sandwich.)
"It landed in what had to be about a year's worth of goose poop," McCatskill said. "No way I was eating that."
According to both bird-lovers, "about four- no- five thousand seagulls" converged on the sandwich.
"But before they could make it a Filet-o-Fish Free-for-all, the crowd became completely calm... completely tranquil," McCatskill said. "Then this bird, kind of a hybrid between a seagull and a Caspian tern, makes its way through the crowd, and walks right up to the sandwich."
According to both women, the bird appeared to "bless" the food.
"Then it started breaking up the sandwich and sharing it with everyone there," Peck-Vogel said. "Every bird got its fill, and there were twelve piles of sandwich left over."
"Then, while the other birds were floating on the water, this one walked," McCatskill said
Both parties were too shocked to snap pictures with their cell phones.
In the end, McCatskill used her own employee discount to replace her lunch.