An open letter to the President about smuggling

To Donald J. Trump

President-Elect, United States of America

1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Washington, DC

Dear sir,

As a concerned American citizen, I feel it important to bring a crisis to your attention. This crisis is of great import, and potentially affects the lives of every single man, woman, child and litigant in this great nation.

It has come to my attention that potentially MILLIONS of exotic creatures could be getting smuggled into -- and subsequently trafficked in -- the United States of America. This smuggling is being performed with the aid of so-called "Smart Phones" using cellular technology as a cover for the illicit schemes.

Millions of Americans travel abroad each year, and many of them play the popular "Augmented Reality" game called Pokémon Go by Niantic Labs. When they travel abroad, they get the opportunity to catch "regionally exclusive" creatures (some of which, I hear,  are named after SHINTO DEMONS (please ask VP Pence what a demon is.))

These "regional exclusive" creatures are then forced into a gruesome pit-fighting scenario, either beating American-born creatures, or being used to taunt American players by defending "gyms." (Please ask former POTUS Barack Obama what a gym is.)

These illegal border crossings occur each day without ANY border declarations! These sinister creatures are hiding in the cell phones of jet-setting nerds all over the country.

It pains me to explain to my seven year old grandson why his Pidgey got sent home by a Heracross or a Tropius.

Something must be done! We need to increase border security with guards who can recognize these creatures and know the threat. Perhaps the captured Pokémon can be stored with the immigrant children to keep them entertained?

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Sincerely,

A concerned citizen

Texas Chapters of U.S. RedCross to offer new, faith-based CPR Course

By Sarah N. Getty

POLITICAL CONTRIBUTOR--

Fort Worth, TX- Emboldened by recent political events, the states of Texas and Florida introduced new CPR classes made available through the US Red Cross starting immediately.

TPCPR (Thoughts-and-Prayers Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation) curriculum had been in the works for nearly two decades in Texas.

Stephen Crossman, former pastor of a small non-denominational pentecostal church,  Faith, Faith and more Faith, said he got the idea when somebody in his congregation had congestive heart failure during a particularly rousing sermon in September of 2017.

"It was beautiful to see," He said, wiping back tears. "Everybody near brother Ralph immediately laid hands on him and began praying. An older lady named Sister Gladys immediately started trying to cast out the demon of heart failure from Ralph."
Ralph Herzog, then-77, had tried to come forward for healing when he collapsed on a fellow parishioner.

"Ultimately, it turns out that the Lord wanted to take Brother Ralph home. That actually happens a lot," Crossman said. "But that day, the seed was planted, and I knew I had a new calling."

Crossman left the ministry in the capable hands of his youth pastor Jimmy McGriff (see related article: Youth Pastor turned Pastor Arrested on Child Exploitation Charges, Fort Worth Picayune, Nov. 8, 2017.)

The retired pastor drafted a curriculum and immediately started pitching it to local aid agencies.

"You could see the devil's fingerprints in all of the rejections I received," he said. "But my faith could not be shaken, and I knew that I was called to do this.

"I sold my house as a show of faith and my sincerity, and I knew I was doing the right thing because the devil enticed my wife to leave me, taking the kids."

Crossman said,  "When you receive resistance like that, you know you are making progress."
Crosman began working on jobs while he continued to pursue his new curriculum and tried to pitch it to all sorts of different aid agencies. After the 2020 election, it became even more difficult.

"Satan's endorsement of Joe Biden, and that ***** he selected for his vice president was further proof that I was trying to make progress doing the Lord's work," Crossman said. "The more headwind, the more resistance, the more difficulties you face, the more you know that you are doing the things for God the way God wants you to do them. Only Satan would try to hold you back."
But with the reelection of the 45th president, Crossman, now living in his car, knew his time had come.

"I messaged the president-elect on Truly Social, and he responded, " Crossman said.  "He said he wants me to implement my curriculum immediately and got me in touch with the US RedCross in Dallas. Then he said he wants me to work with RFK junior to implement sweeping changes."

So Crossman packed up his car, filled out with gas, and he's on his way.

"Maybe that deadbeat can finally pay Child support," Bethany Withers, Crossman's former wife said.